OK, I admit, I got a dog primarily for my child. Now said dog and I are madly in love with each other, while the connection with my son isn't going
quite as well.
I love the fact that Croc follows me around with adoring eyes, desperately tries to figure out how to please me, and sleeps by the side of my bed. But I'd
be even happier if those adoring eyes were focused on my 10 year old.
Here are the problems as I see it -- 1) Croc is a dog who likes consistency, and my 10 year old struggles with that -- sometimes it's "Croc, off"
and other times it's "Down, I mean stop, MOM What do you say when you don't want him jumping on you?" or "Good dog" for the same
behavior. Also I'm pretty consistently here, but my son's off on sleepovers a lot so Croc gets in the habit of sleeping in my room.
Croc likes my son, they play nicely together. I try and have my son feed him and walk him. But there's no doubt who he's bonded to. My son has been
telling me that he loves Croc but he wants a beagle puppy for himself -- the implication is that Croc is my dog. Is there any way to help Croc become his dog
too?
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Any suggestions on how to help Croc and my son connect
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 Crocodile |
Any suggestions on how to help Croc and my son connect |
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Posts: 172 06/22/09 12:25 PM |
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 BasiaMH |
#1 | |||
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Posts: 3645 06/22/09 12:34 PM Senior Member
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Maybe your son could do some trick training with Croc? Tricks are nice because they're fun and they don't have to be 'perfect', and the two of
them can develop their own words or hand signals between the two of them.
Also if there's an obedience class you could go to and have your son be the main handler (depends on the dog and the class, of course, and you'd have a parent attending and helping out if necessary - but 10 isn't a little kid so he can probably take a lot of responsibility). For getting the words mixed up maybe you could teach some kind of body movement (like walk into dog with hand in 'stop' position or something)? Might be easier to remember (maybe even for the dog too). Just an idea, though. |
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DakotasMom |
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Posts: 886 06/22/09 12:49 PM |
How about having your son and Croc do obedience class? I did that with Dakota and holy cow, it helped our relationship immensely to the point where Dakota is really mine now where at first he was hubbys.
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Crocodile |
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Posts: 172 06/22/09 12:57 PM |
We are already doing an obedience class together, and it's going pretty well. My son does most of the handling in the class but not all. Sometimes he
needs to see me demo what the skill looks like with Croc before he figures it out.
Some other things I've thought about: 1) Locking Croc in my son's room at night (right now we close both our bedroom doors, but keep the doors to the connecting bathroom open and he goes back and forth between the 2. He generally sleeps right on the hardwood by my bed, rather than on the doggie bed in my son's room. 2) Limiting me to "low value treats" like boiled chicken and ear scratches, and making all cheese, and bits of deli meat (he'll do ANYTHING for some deli meat) come from my son. 3) Croc is really into the clicker, so having my son carry around treats and click and reward whenever he gets eye contact from Croc, whether or not he asked for it. Do those things sound like they might help too? |
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Margaret Mae |
#4 | |||
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Posts: 329 06/22/09 1:13 PM |
Hi there,
DakotasMom and Basia both make super suggestions. It has been my experience that even when I try really hard to encourage our dogs to look to my children first, I end up being the head honcho. If you think about it, it makes sense: we love our children but a big part of our relationship is to teach them and direct them. For the most part our children defer to us, and so do our dogs. That doesn't mean that they can't have lovely times together, after all dogs aren't the same sort of posession as is an ipod or even a gecko. So for my daughter Chloe, the sun rises and sets in her dad, and I'm happy about that. There's a part of me that feels a bit jealous but our hearts guide themselve, right? I think the same is true with dogs to a large extent. One thing I try to do is help with the discipline angle of the dog so that my kids can play with him much more freely. Kids are fabulously creative when it comes to creating fun situations for themselves and the dog. So if they want to play with a puppy who mouths them or jumps up on them too much, I'm just hanging out on the periphery under the radar ready to step in. I think children raise their cred with dogs best by playing fun relaxed games with them or walking them in low key pleasant environments. Food is kind of a mixed blessing for kids and dogs, especially pushy dogs who might get the idea that the child is a source of freebies. All that being said, my son is now 15 years old and almost six feet tall. I just brought our GSD puppy, Fiete home and I was very interested to see that Fiete really responded to Dan, not just because he's a fun sweet kid but because hes old enough and big enough to have a real natural authority about him. Kinda makes me teary eyed.... my baby is growing up!
Last Edited By: Margaret Mae 06/22/09 1:23 PM.
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cdturner |
#5 | |||
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Posts: 7985 06/22/09 1:37 PM Moderator/Rescue |
We had much the same scenario. Chester (lab) was DS's Christmas present the year he was 11 (he just turned 22). Chester was his dog for maybe 2 weeks,
and then he was mine. The key was that I did almost all of the walking, most of the feeding, exercising, training, etc.
I've heard some local people say that adults shouldn't care for the kids' dogs--that the kids promised to feed, water, walk, and care for the dog, etc., and they should have to do it. I'm sorry, but I couldn't do that. If DS was off at a sleepover, or busy with homework, or even just on-line with his buddies, I couldn't make a hungry dog wait until DS was motivated to do whatever was needed. Nor was I going to re-home the dog if he didn't care for it. But the flip side of this is that the puppy became mine. There was a stretch when Chester preferred DH, but that passed, too. Right now, if all 3 of us are in the den and I get up to go to the kitchen, Chester follows me. Bottom line, dogs choose who they're going to bond to. You could get a beagle puppy for your DS (and I'm not recommending it) and the puppy could bond to you, too. There are no guarantees.     
Carolyn, Chester, Mandy, Matthew, Sam, Lily |
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Crocodile |
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Posts: 172 06/22/09 9:43 PM |
I should make it clear, that although I think there might be a second dog in our future (only if we buy a home, being a tenant with 2 dogs is too risky, not
that many places allow two) it won't be as an attempt to solve this problem. It might be that a different dog would feel differently, but I think it's
more likely that a second dog would feel the same way -- so I'd only do it if I wanted another dog as much as my son. Right now I'm perfectly happy
with one.
DS never promised to feed and care for Croc exclusively. Well, he tried during the "begging for a dog" phase we had, but I essentially told him I didn' t want him to promise something he wouldn't be able to deliver, and that we'd care for a dog together. And he's really good about it. Every single time I ask (but I still have to ask) him to feed Croc, or throw a ball, or take him for a walk he does. Sometimes he sighs and I know he doesn't want to, but he never balks. Having said that, I still do most of it. I walk and feed Croc before I wake DS up almost every single day. So, even if he does 75% of the evening stuff I'm still ahead. |
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Naturepainter |
#7 | |||
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Posts: 6597 06/22/09 9:51 PM Trainer/Moderator |
Lots of good comments above. I'd also give it time; Croc has only been with you for a short time, and different people and dogs bond at different rates. As
DS matures, he may take more initiative in interacting with Croc.
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msquared |
#8 | |||
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Posts: 4222 06/23/09 9:19 AM Senior Member
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My two dogs are primarily mine, though Mac does take more of an interest in the kids than Molly does. But when they are holding him or he runs past them to
greet me first, I remind them that both of the dogs know that something fun might happen with me (I do most of the walking, all of the feeding, all of the
training), so they naturally want to be near me. I encourage the kids to train them as well, teach them tricks, but I think they understand that with the
responsibility comes the bonding, and they certainly don't want 100% of the responsibility, so they'll take less of the bonding as well.
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Becky |
#9 | |||
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Posts: 713 06/23/09 7:02 PM |
My kids (8 & 10) saved for 3 years to buy our dog and the crate etc for him (they saved $426..) Buster is technically "theirs". And, ironically,
I didn't really feel like needed a dog at all but after all of that saving and discussion and research we kind of went for the "Every kid needs a
puppy" thing. That was before I knew what I now know but I digress....
They adore him and he adores them but the reality is, he is mine. He's too much dog for them to handle most of the time although they feed him and brush him (with me) and do lots of stuff with him. Regardless, I do the bulk of his care and he knows I'm running this show. I wonder if there is a way for a dog to bond with a family member who ISN'T in charge? Seems counter-intuitive to me. However, I definitely don't qualify as being an expert... |
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BasiaMH |
#10 | |||
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Posts: 3645 06/24/09 4:06 PM Senior Member
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I've always found that a profoundly disturbing argument... and it happens even more with smaller pets, who some people will even allow to die or be abandoned to 'teach their child a lesson'. People will knowingly use a living creature's preventable suffering or death as a nice little 'teaching tool'? It disturbs me that people get their kids hamsters (or even big labour intensive animals like rabbits) and stand back and don't interfere if the kid doesn't handle it well, so their kid can experiment with life and death. Kids can learn lots about responsibility by caring for pets and many do a great job, but all I can see from that situation is a suffering animal and a parent modelling to their child a profound disrespect for that life. If they want to use the situation to teach the child responsibility, step up and show a good example by caring for the animal and don't stand there and let the hamster die when you could have prevented it... |
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Crocodile |
#11 | |||
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Posts: 172 06/24/09 9:49 PM |
Croc is a family pet and we take care of him as a family, but also have a lizard and a frog who are definitely my son's, and I don't care for them.
I don't ignore them and use their death as a natural consequence, if my son needs to be reminded I tell him "Son, I need you to come feed Froggy"
or "Before you go to bed, please change the lizard's water" and then I monitor to make sure he follows through. If he's doing something that
I value enough not to interrupt for herptile care (e.g. a big homework assignment or sleeping or out of the house) then I'll care for them, but on a daily
basis they aren't my responsibility.
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beckybishop |
#12 | |||
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Posts: 3062 06/26/09 1:03 AM Professional Trainer/Moderator |
You may consider tethering Crock in your sons room say, while he's doing homework, or playing with his toys. Crock can have a bone. The need to
"hang" together too but letting Crock follow you most the time and not having him "wait in here" while you leave the room, Crock will
continue to lean towards being with you more. And even so he may choose you over your son but your son will feel more bonded if Crock can learn to
"chill" in his presence. When he is tethered, have your son read a book to Crock. He can have his own personal Reading with Rover dog.
 Obedience
classes are great but my experience is that kids don't like to have to tell dogs what to do, anymore than telling a friend to do stuff. Kids like games.
You an play "Where's Billy? " Have your son hide in an obvious place at first and get Crock to seek him out when he finds your son your son gives
Crock a biscuit or treat. The game progresses to having your son hide in more difficult places but he can call "Crock! Crock, find!" And crock will
catch on too. Now there is this great reason to "go find son" and adore him. : )
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BasiaMH |
#13 | |||
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Posts: 3645 06/28/09 6:41 PM Senior Member
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Crocodile, I hope you didn't think I meant YOU would do that! You sound like you have a really good approach to it. I doubt anyone around here would. I was
more just expressing frustration that there are people in the world that do.
I had pets myself as a child (e.g. I had a rabbit, and my teenage sister had a dog with my being a close second person responsible - I was 10 when we got him, she was 15), and my parents actually stayed mostly out of it the majority of the time (especially with the rabbit -- I really wouldn't call her a family pet -- but even the dog was really not 'their' dog, even though he kind of automatically was partly since they shared a home and was a member of the family - but we were the ones that read all the books and went to the obedience classes and did 99% of training and exercise and nagged our parents and other sister to remember to give him the right commands and not confuse him or teach him to beg - I have to say my other sister was much better at it than my parents...), but they did help sometimes (esp during exam periods at school, or school trips, or e.g. my dad coming home at lunch when the dog was a puppy to let him out and for the first few years, giving him breakfast, my dad being an early riser) and I know they would have done something if they thought an animal in their home was being hurt or neglected. I'm all for kids having pets that really are truely their pets when they're capable of it and I think we sometimes underestimate how capable kids can be (although other times it's how much responsibility an animal really is that we underestimate) -- I just think we can all pretty much agree that we wouldn't let an animal suffer in the process. |
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- Problems and Solutions: Ask away!
- The Daily Dog
- Dog Sports: Success through Joy and Connection
- Pet Professionals: Trainers, Groomers, Pet Sitters, Day Care, Boarding, Sheltering Personnel
- Matchmaker, Matchmaker....
- All Things Feline
- WELCOME! Code of Conduct and Such
- Community Chat Area
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- Pro Training Alums
